Thursday, May 31, 2012

trudging right along over here

6 weeks today, baby!

Okay, I'm not gonna do those pregnancy lists every week, because gosh, that would get boring, yes? I swear I look 12 weeks pregnant in the above photo but most of that is just gut and bloat.

We're pretty sure that G does indeed have hand, foot, mouth disease. He's got some bumps on his feet and hands. That would explain his nasty attitude on Monday and that high fever, plus his complete lack of appetite for a few days. He ate lunch today for the first time since Sunday! He's doing much better today, by the way. No fever, good appetite. Pretty much back to normal except the bumps on his feet and hands. It does mean we had to postpone his birthday party to next Saturday. Insert sad face.

I contacted my OB since everything I read said you should if you come into contact with someone with HFM. They immediately asked me to come in to test my beta levels and to test me for HFM immunity. Of course, I immediately started freaking out. What if my beta levels weren't high enough? What if I get HFM from G?

I heard back from my doc's nurse this afternoon and my beta levels were at 5500! Which is perfect for 5 weeks 6 days. Since they're up, my doctor wants to bump up my first ultrasound to next Wednesday instead of the 19th like it was originally scheduled. I'm not really sure if this bump is due to the HFM scare or my previous miscarriage, but hey, I get to see the little bean two weeks earlier, so why not?

I know seeing the little one's heart beating fast on that ultrasound will only settle my fears a little. We did make it to 14 weeks with baby #2 after all. But I can't wait to see that tiny muscle pumping away, a stark contrast to the motionless body we last saw in February.

By the way, G completely face-planted into a kitchen cabinet this evening. He has a huge bruise on his cheek, and a bit of a bruise next to his eye and on his forehead. Poor kid can't catch a break. I'll take a picture of it tomorrow for show 'n' tell. I swear toddlers are the toughest little buggers ever. He cried for a few minutes but it never bothered him again. If I slammed into a cabinet, I'd probably be bitching about it for days afterward.

Wednesday, May 30, 2012

Tuesday, May 29, 2012

a preview of Saturday

I'm beat, so I just wanted to share what we've been working on for the past couple of hours.

Oh yes, those are Muno bumps, Brobee's head crest and eyebrow, and eye parts for Muno, Brobee, and Plex. I think they look pretty darn good, actually! All of these pieces will be going onto G's birthday cake. We're getting our second birthday on in four days!

Over and out before I fall asleep typing.

P.S. The little bugger is better today. He still ran a fever all day, but it was low grade compared to yesterday. He had a lot more energy and was way chatty, even though he still didn't eat a ton. We did take him to the doc and while she said his throat looked red and awful, his ears looked perfect. No strep or hands, foot, mouth, so we're guessing just nasty throat virus.

Monday, May 28, 2012

sicky babe is sicky

G caught one hell of a nasty bug somewhere this past week. After a crying session of one and a half hours, and his refusal to eat much of anything at breakfast, I was wondering if maybe he didn't feel well. I mean, he's hit the terrible twos already, but that was kinda ridiculous.

Around 10am, I went to change his diaper and noticed that he felt pretty hot. I took his temp and it was 102.8.


Of course, I flew into mama mode. Fluids! Tylenol! Paci! Cuddles! Yo Gabba Gabba! Early nap!

He went down quick for that nap but woke up after only about hour and 15 minutes. He proceeded to demand cuddles and TV for the next few hours. We got him to eat a little pasta and drink a decent amount of milk for lunch, but he wasn't having anything else.

At the four-hour mark for his Tylenol, we took his temp again. 102.7. Sigh. Dosed him again.

He was totally out of it and cranky for most of the afternoon. As he approached the four-hour mark again, he became more lethargic and unwilling to do anything but sit on us. It took forever to get him to stop crying after he got angry at his bucket o' blocks.

That little outburst must have worn him out, because ten minutes later, I glanced over and he was out. This was at about 5pm.

Dave eventually moved to the couch where G slept for another 30 minutes before we woke him up.

G did not want to get up, but we really wanted to try to get him to eat and drink some more before bed. He didn't want any food but he did at least drink some water and milk. Then he kept falling asleep on us before we just decided to go ahead and put him to bed early.

We did take his temperature before dosing him one last time and it was 103.7 and 103.4 a little later. It's scary to see the temp go higher, and especially that high! The highest fever he's had before now was only 101.4. His heart was racing and his body quivering all over. It scared me to see him so sick like that.

We did call our pediatrician's nighttime hotline. The nurse said to keep an eye on him overnight and call our pedi in the morning if he's still running a high fever. Goodie. This means I won't sleep a wink tonight.

He's been tossing and turning in his crib this evening and letting out little whimpers through the monitor. But the hubs just checked on him and he's feeling cooler, so I guess the Tylenol is working. I feel so powerless in moments like these when I can't give him anything but painkiller.

Sunday, May 27, 2012

first swim of summer

This afternoon, we took G to my father-in-law's community pool for the first time this summer. He did so well last summer that I wasn't expecting much trouble. Well, at first, he was so not digging that pool.

The poor babe was actually kinda trembling and clinging to me for dear life. He spent most of the first ten minutes gesturing wildly outside of the pool as in I wanna go that way or trying to climb out if we got close to the edge.

Yeah, that's him throwing his leg way up over the edge of the pool. And me laughing because he looked so darn funny.

He never actually cried, so we decided to keep him in the water and make him tough it out. After going in deeper and spinning around a lot, he gradually decided that the pool wasn't going to kill him. In fact, he became a huge fan of the pool after that.

The next time he whined was an hour later when we made him get out of the pool. That boy can kick! We would hold him in front of us on his belly and he would kick like mad, his little face smiling with delight and his mouth panting with the effort.

I'm thrilled that he warmed up to playing in the water - I'm stuck on the idea of getting him swim lessons this summer so he can go through life being a much stronger swimmer than I am. I felt so much cooler after that swim too, so I know pool time will be fantastic as my belly gets bigger.

playgroups are awesome

Well, I almost made it the entire month doing a post a day. Whoops! I'm going to blog twice today to make up for skipping yesterday.

Yesterday, I met up with Annie at Letters to Mo and her super-cute son Cash. Yay!

We got home late, especially after I went the wrong way on the interstate and almost had a horrible, horrible wreck. An 18-wheeler I had been driving behind only 10 seconds ago apparently didn't measure the height of an underpass correctly and shaved off the top of the large wooden shed it was carrying. The car behind it had to quickly pull over, and the 18-wheeler was still ahead of me to my right as it also began pulling over. Scary stuff! I ran over a bunch of rubble, but luckily we escaped unscathed.

But the playdate was grand! I've been trying to expose G to more children his own age. He's not exactly the most sociable toddler, but he loves being out and about. Annie's 14 month old tried to hug G at one point, and Grayson was all like, yo! get out of my face! uh, okay? Hahaha. G's first reaction to people he doesn't know is to usually 1) ignore them, and 2) if that's impossible, go all blank poker-face. I'm kinda jealous that Annie's son is so happy around other people - he'll just pay your knee and smile all the time, whereas G has on his "stranger-danger" face.

Poor thing. He's kinda like his mama in that regard, though I've come a long way in the past ten years. I think teaching forced me to have to talk to people with confidence, so I can translate that to real life. Mom says I was hugely sociable when I was a kid, so maybe I can get back to that eventually? I took G to a playgroup Friday morning with four other moms and kids, and it took him 45 minutes to get out of my lap. Once he decided he was all cool about the place, though, he was good. He got off my lap and ran around the room after that. Next time will probably be even better.

I'm excited about meeting all of these new moms. The hubs and I don't know a lot of people with kids the same age (or with kids period), so all of these new people make me all giddy-happy.

I remember where I was going with this: the reason I skipped out on the blog post yesterday. I meant to nap after G's playdate with Cash, but it just didn't happen. The hubs and I did some shopping afterward with a cranky toddler who had refused to eat lunch then had a meltdown when we wouldn't go to CiCi's. I think that's a first. Then I had dinner with some of my English major classmates from my alma-mater and a few of our professors. A bunch of us went to get ice cream after dinner, so I didn't get home until 10:00. I crashed after about 20 minutes of TV.

Today, we're meeting up with my father-in-law to go swimming for the first time this summer. I can't wait to see how G does after doing so well last summer. Another blog post promised tonight.

For now, I must nap!

Friday, May 25, 2012

guest post: the hubs talks about play

The hubs guest blogs for the last time this NaBloPomo! This time, about play, this month's theme. ~Alicia

The “I Have A Child” Excuse

One of the many perks to having a child (other than that whole “love” and “family” thing that people keep taking about) is that you suddenly have a chance to do all the fun stuff that you did as a kid without all the social derision.

If you’re out in the world, having a child with you is sort of a “Get Out Of Jail Free” card for odd social behavior. You see a grown man pushing around a car or playing with a Thor action figure in the middle of the mall with his son or daughter, and you think “Aww, what a loving father.” Same situation, minus the kid? Everyone avoids him, parents hide their children, security is called, someone gets tazed, mass hysteria.

Do you see where I’m going with this?

The world opens back up for all the men and women who spent their childhood loving cartoons, Legos, and Star Wars action figures. Suddenly things that we have been told we’re “above” or “too old for” are there once again, begging us to play with them, to watch them. 

Sure, right now it’s a lot of stuff that truly is way too young for us. Yo Gabba Gabba is not exactly known for its plotlines, and giant wooden blocks are a far cry from the awesomeness of Legos. But I squeal with delight every time I pass a Transformers toy display in the store, thinking to myself “soon I will buy these… for Grayson… yes, for Grayson.”

It is the same elsewhere as well. Picture yourself on the beach. Go ahead. I can wait. Ok, there? Ok. You’re on the beach, and nearby you see a grown man, shoveling mindlessly in the sand. Maybe he’s building a sandcastle, maybe he’s just digging a trench to watch the water run into it. Weird, right? Creepy. “Hide your wife, hide your kids” kind of weird. Add a child? BOOM, total “awwww” moment. I like to dig in sand. I like to build things. Totally too self-conscious. Now? Hello sand, here I come.

I think all this, and then I pause. Am I attempting to live vicariously through my child? Am I using him for my own enjoyment? Am I a horrible, selfish person?


Excuse me, I’m off to pull my old Star Wars figs out of storage. Because I have a child.

Thursday, May 24, 2012

5 weeks!

  • How far along?  5 weeks
  • Total weight gain:  I'm not stepping on the scale for at least another couple of weeks!
  • Maternity clothes?  Nope, not even a bella band yet.
  • Stretch marks? No new ones.
  • Sleep:  I'm having some trouble from 4-6am, but I'm okay besides that. Mostly, it's because I'm getting stuffy in the middle of the night. And I'm having crazy dreams, too.
  • Best moment this week:  Finally finding a shirt I might wear to G's second birthday party next Saturday (!!!).
  • Miss Anything? Coffee. I'm really trying to cut back. Instead of two cups a day, I'm down to one half of a cup.
  • Movement: Nah. Kiddo doesn't even have feet yet.
  • Food cravings: Sweets, a little. That's about it. I'm not even hungrier than usual most days - I just need an extra snack.
  • Food aversions: Nothing really, but smells I normally don't like anyway are stronger.
  • Gender: Stay tuned!
  • Labor Signs: Um, no.
  • Symptoms: Bloating, weird dreams, aching in the pelvis, and the girls are larger and sore.
  • Belly Button in or out? In.
  • Wedding rings on or off? On.
  • Looking forward to: Seeing the baby on ultrasound for the first time. 3 1/2 more weeks!

Wednesday, May 23, 2012

my mama

The pic below of my mom and G was taken a few days after my D&C. She came up to Nashville soon after we learned about the miscarriage to help us take care of G while I was in the hospital and recovering afterward. I haven't posted any of the photos taken that weekend because they remind me of the worst days of my life. But this one I just love.

My mom's birthday was yesterday. She's in Miami right now with my dad, visiting my dad's family (I'm so jealous). Anyway, I'm just having a bummed, missing my mom kind of day. I look forward to seeing her and my grandparents for G's second birthday party in a week and a half (!!!).

My mum was seriously the best mom ever. She taught me most of what I know about being a good parent. About always showing affection. About always having the time to play (and she still does this!). About always being able to listen even if she disagrees. About being slow to anger and quick to forgive.

Even though we live in two different states, she's always ready to come up if I need her. When I called her to say we were headed to the hospital because my OB suspected I had pre-eclampsia with G, she packed her bag and started driving before I was even in a labor room. When I called her bawling on the phone, driving home after that awful doctor's appointment where we heard no heartbeat with baby #2, she was ready to drive up right then if I asked.

We talk on the phone at least every other day, even if we don't really have anything to talk about. She lets me vent and whine, laugh and cry, without hardly any judgement. She's got my back but yet she'll put me in my place.

It's no wonder G loves her as much as I do. She's an easy gal to love. :)


Okay, I'm getting off the computer now before I cry. Gah, I'm so hormonal! I'm 5 weeks tomorrow and I think it's really started to show!

Tuesday, May 22, 2012

nothin' but baby bloat

Yo, in an effort to better document this pregnancy than I did the last, here's a pic of me four weeks pregnant last week. Crazy, right? There's nothing there but leftover Grayson weight and major bloating, but it's cute all the same.

Also I'm sporting a short new haircut. I haven't had my hair this short since undergrad (boy, was that a mistake), but I'm liking it so far.

This first week of pregnancy has been grand. Mostly just tired all day long, bloated, and a bit achy. I still can't believe it's real and baby #3 is here. I'm not looking forward to the nausea kicking in, but it'll be another reminder that I am pregnant and I can truly begin to heal from my miscarriage.

I can't wait to see my OB next month - she's going to be so excited!

Monday, May 21, 2012

badge swap, anyone?

I've decided to open my blog up to free sponsor swaps to anyone who's interested! I have several different badges to offer up in different sizes.

Basically, you show my badge and I'll show yours on my right bar below my tags. I'll keep it up until one of us decides to mutually take them down. Easy-peasy.

If you're interested, send me an email at!

Sunday, May 20, 2012

Parthenon ahoy

Today, the hubs and I went to the Parthenon. It was hot as Hades outside, so we didn't stay long. But by golly, I wanted some pics of G in front of that huge building, and I was gonna get what I wanted. You just don't tell the pregnant lady "no."

...Is it too soon to start using that excuse?

Anyway, it's difficult to get an almost two-year-old to stand still in one spot for very long. But I finally got it. Nevermind that he looks irritated with me.

I took a closer-up shot, and yes, he definitely seems to be grumbling to himself.

Dang it, mama! All I wanna do is run!

Like this!

 On a side note, how cute are his new Timberland sandals?

Also on a side note, his hair as gotten crazy. We must be feeding him well because I feel like that hair has grown a ton in the past couple of weeks. I'm still not sold on getting an official haircut yet, but I did take the scissors to it tonight. Sob. Don't worry, I only cut off one long curl in the back that was longer than all the rest and a few long pieces in the front.

I love love love his hair, but I think it's approaching time for a real haircut. Just a little...

Saturday, May 19, 2012

only 36 weeks to go!

Let it be known that I can't keep my own secrets. I have no trouble with other people's, but when it comes to anything going on in my own life that maybe I should wait to tell... I just can't.

The hubs and I were sitting in bed yesterday, and he goes, "You know, if you want to blog about it, you can."

"Whaa?" was my general response.

"I know you want to blog about it since you're doing that blog everyday thing. It's killing you that you can't tell everyone."

"So what? You want to announce it on Facebook?"

He did that noncommittal face. "Sure."

Sigh. Men.

So, here we go.


We found out the day before the three month anniversary of my miscarriage. It's a bittersweet thing to be celebrating one life while mourning another. I'm fully aware that baby #3 would never have existed without baby #2's death. I'm so thankful that we got pregnant again quickly. And that there are no problems so far. And that I'm not entirely freaked out about being pregnant again. Should I be more freaked out and worried about miscarriage? I don't know.

But hey, as they say on Dinotopia: "breathe deep, seek peace." Right?

Oh gosh, I'm pregnant!

Friday, May 18, 2012

flashback friday: newborn G

Be still, my heart. Oh, the cute squishiness that was newborn G. If these pics aren't enough to make me want another baby, then I don't think anything else would do it.

all pics by Chris and Adrienne Scott, Photographers

Thursday, May 17, 2012

g's top 10 (or 11) fav-o-rite books

G around 13 months
I wouldn't be exaggerating if I said that G loves to read. And by loves, I mean sometimes he's seriously obsessed. Like, if you don't read this book to him right now, he's gonna hurl it at your face. And then bitch you out. And then go get another book, jerk.

G has 30-40 board books that we keep on low shelves in his room. He has access to these books whenever he wants, and usually he'll go after them at least twice a day. Those are the times he asks us to read to him, and that doesn't involve the times he flips through the books on his own or the times we use them as distraction when he's in tantrum mode.

Sometimes I hate talking about how much my kid loves to read because I don't want to seem like I'm bragging. But with G, reading is just a normal thing to do. And his English major nerd mama couldn't be happier. We always made a point of reading to him several times a day as a baby. I guess something stuck.

Anyway, this post isn't about his love of reading but rather his favorite books. We generally let him pick the books to read, though sometimes I'll prod him to read new ones or my own favorites. I thought I'd make a list of G's favorite board books. Keep in mind this doesn't include any of his favorite non-board books, such as an Alice in Wonderland pop-up book that makes his little heart swoon.

In no particular order, here are Grayson's top 10 okay, so 11 favorite board books.

My Many Colored Days
by Dr. Seuss

It's been read so many times, our copy is worn and falling apart. G loves the bright colors and short rhymes on each page. It's also the inspiration for this blog's name because it's the first book G really fell in love with. I love that it teaches kids that there are many emotions we all experience, and each are okay.

That's Not My... series
by Fiona Watt

There are many, many in this series of books. G's first was That's Not My Kitten. But he also has Pirate, Dragon, Tiger, and Elephant. Each page has a different texture for him to touch. He's big on interactive books right now, so these are perfect for him.

Hippos Go Beserk
by Sandra Boynton

We've only scratched the surface of Boynton's work because she's been so prolific, but G particularly likes this one. It's a counting book, and G likes to point to each number as we read. I like that it works on counting both forwards and backwards. Bonus: this book is fun to read aloud!

Goodnight Moon
by Margaret Wise Brown

It actually took G a while to warm up to this book. I think maybe he found the picture to be too repetitive because he would ask to read it, then abruptly close the book by the third page or so and put it away. Ha. But once we started pointing to specific things in the pictures as we read about them, he became much more interested. Now he asks to read this one and can find the pictures on his own.

Chicka Chicka Boom Boom
by Bill Martin Jr.

G is crushing huge on the alphabet right now, so this book is right up his alley. He loves that we point to the letters are we read about them. On the last page, we sing the alphabet song and point to each letter. I'm 100% convinced that this book and a tiny alphabet toy he has are the reason he can now identify almost all of his letters. Bonus: this book is also fun to read aloud!

Airplane Flight!
by Susanna Leonard Hill

G loves pretty much any lift-the-flap book, but this one in particular he goes back to again and again due to its larger size. Bonus points for the multicultural characters!

Toes, Ears, and Nose!
by Marion Dane Baver

Another lift-the-flap book. G loves with one in particular because we combine reading with those darn flaps he can touch, along with asking him to show us each body part as well. Unlike a lot of other body parts books, this one gets more specific, such as teeth or back. This book definitely helped G learn his body parts.

I'm the Biggest Thing in the Ocean
by Kevin Sherry

We've sadly lost our copy (so G is now fixated on Sherry's I'm the Scariest Thing in the Castle), but this book definitely racks high on G's list. I'm not sure what he loves about it, but the short phrases and colorful pictures help keep his attention. Bonus points: it made me laugh out loud the first time I read it.

The Grouchy Ladybug
by Eric Carle

This book may seem like a given on any toddler book list, but G actually doesn't care for most of Carle's books. He likes The Hungry Caterpillar as well, but that's about it. The animal flaps definitely keep his attention, and now that he's older, we challenge him to find the tiny ladybug on each page.

I Love You Because You're You
by Liza Baker

This book is utterly sappy, but something about it captivates G. It has a great message about loving your child no matter what they do, good and bad. It does make me roll my eyes a little, but G likes it, so I do too. Plus, it's kinda cute.

Oh, The Thinks You Can Think!
by Dr. Seuss

I could put pretty much any Dr. Seuss board book on this list. (the longer ones don't quite hold his attention yet), but he adores this one in particular (and see MMCD above as well). This board book is tiny, so he can easily hold it in his toddler hands and flip through it on his own. Bonus points for being fun to read!

Also awesome: Mr. Brown Can Moo and There's a Wocket in my Pocket.

Okay, so that was 11, not 10! I could have put 20 books on here, so it was difficult to narrow down the list. Next time, G's favorite non-board books.

Wednesday, May 16, 2012

not so wordless wednesday: melting pot o' tasty

Tonight, the hubs and I had date night.

(Or, as I say it in my head, daaaaaaate niiiiiiiiiight.)

We went here in downtown Nashville:

And ate lots of cheese and lots other tasty and spicy food, and also this:

A dark and white pot of ooey gooey sinfully good chocolate. Who knew marshmallows could taste so good? My toes were curling with the pleasure of it.

Not a feast for any ol' occasion due to the price, but we were celebrating a belated Mother's Day out, so why not? We have a lot to celebrate right now, and shoving large amounts of cheese and chocolate into my mouth was the perfect way to do so.

And, omg, we stayed out until 8:30pm and it felt late! We are so freakin' old.

Tuesday, May 15, 2012

guest blog: the hubs and insomnia

The hubs guest blogs again! This time, about his fight with insomnia. ~Alicia

Oh sleep, thou fragile and oft unobtainable thing.

So Grayson has been having some fun times with his sleep lately. Over the weekend he decided to be awake for 2-3 hours each night in the middle of the night, then suddenly he wanted comfort to fall asleep (but then slept through the night)… so with all of that fun going on, I thought I’d talk about sleep for a little bit here.

I’ve been an insomniac for most of my life. Luckily I’ve had small breaks throughout ( I’ve had as much as almost a year without it at times), though normally I don’t get more than a week’s reprieve before it comes back to visit for a while.

The oddest thing about it was that I thought I was normal (ok, in the sleep department… definitely not in other departments). I would watch TV and scoff at the stupidity of people simply falling asleep as they hit the pillow (I still kind of do, especially in our newest favorite show Awake). I chalked it up to director’s necessity. You can’t really show someone tossing and turning for an hour… not exactly riveting (though perhaps better than Jersey Shore)… It was actually only at the end of my teenage years (when I gained college roommates) that I learned that people actually WERE capable of falling asleep quickly… like in 10 minutes… unlike me.

For my youngest years, until I was 25 or so, it literally took me at least an hour to fall asleep, if not two. I’m sure now that part of it was due to my ADD (which I was diagnosed as a late teen… more on my broken brain in a further guest blog, perhaps). My brain simply would not shut off, and more to the point it could not even settle on one thing for more than a minute or two. My thoughts would bounce around like a caffeinated monkey in a padded room, leaving me largely unable to sleep. I learned to counter this by listening to books on tape at night. It gave me something to focus on, and helped. With that I rarely was up longer than an hour and would usually fall asleep in about 45 minutes. The headphones were uncomfortable, though.

This all means that my body is astoundingly used to functioning on 5-6 hours of sleep.

Amazingly, my first year with Alicia was probably the best I’ve ever had, sleep-wise. During that time I suffered almost no effects, but it has slowly crept back over the years. I’m currently running at about 30 minutes.

So, what are the effects of a baby on an insomniac?

When G was a newborn, it was both extremely tough and amazingly easy. On the bad nights, G would wake up every 2-3 hours to eat… eat for 20 minutes, go back to sleep. Then I’d take another 30-40 minutes to fall asleep, only to be woken up again far too early. On the flip side, a lifetime lacking sleep left me much better off during the days than my poor wife. Five hours of sleep, even broken up, was okay with me most of the time… Lis, not so much.

Then G went through a period of waking up at 3am or so, and simply refusing to go to sleep without mass amounts of rocking. This was given to him in the form of Dad (me) with a foot on a bouncy chair for an hour or so until he was asleep enough to be transferred back into his crib. Sometimes I simply did it until morning. I didn’t mind too much. I was honestly kind of used to just getting up for an hour or two in the middle of the night and doing things. I believe it was during this time that I finally managed my 100% completion of Final Fantasy X. Go me.

It wasn’t all beneficial… if you can call any of that actually beneficial. That’s like being touched with a cattle prod and saying “no, no, that’s fine… I’m used to being electrocuted.” No matter how many times it happens, it’s never a good thing. I think the worst part was the last month or so that G slept in our room. He slept in a little crib in our room until he turned 4 months, and it was during that last month or so that he started to not like little noises in the night. This was problematic to a guy that shifts around a lot while trying to fall asleep. It made me very self-conscious, and made it even harder on me to get back to sleep after his wakeups.

My shifting still annoys the crap out of the wife, but she falls asleep in about 5-10 minutes these days. I can usually hold still enough for that long for her to get to sleep, and then I can go about my horrible nights without bothering her unless I’m going crazy. I change positions about once every 1-5 minutes, I’ve figured out. That can drive a co-sleeper nuts, I’m sure. The wife occasional gets woken up and pokes me or mummers something in a “settle down or I hurt you” kinda way.

As I stated, I’m at about 30 minutes these days… which is pretty good. Usually an hour tops, with rare nights that go on so long that I’ll get up and go do something else, for both our sakes. I don’t know what to credit with the decent time span (YES, 30-60 minutes is a decent time span, ye gods yes). I feel like my ADD is worse right now than it’s ever been, but I feel like my mental outlook is at its best. I love my life right now (even with all the recent horribleness included), and it makes being at peace and serene quite easy most days. I go to bed most nights happy and madly in love with both wife and child, and that seems to be enough. After all, what more is there in life?

Okay, okay, I don’t have any of my world-famous badly photoshopped G pics here. Last time I blogged, I mentioned my fear of G tripped while running at the zoo and smashing his face into the concrete so badly he would resemble a Batman villain. So here you go: the new Batman villain:

Zoo Face!

Monday, May 14, 2012

playground playtime

So this month's NaBloPoMo is all about play. I know I haven't been in the most playful mood in the past few months. Honestly, sometimes it takes a lot of effort for me to leave the house with G. Playgrounds aren't exactly stress free places for me. I had to stop going to G's Tuesday morning Gymboree because a mother there brought in her newborn named August. Sigh.

I find a lot of pleasure in getting G out and about, however. He just loves exploring new areas and being allowed to run off on his own. The more I force myself to take G places, the easier it gets to let go and let him be a toddler.

I hate this hat, but he has to wear it when we're out in sunny weather for a lengthy period of time, doctor's orders. We're doing all that we can for the next three months to help that scar on his eyelid heal.

Now, we all remember G's first emergency room visit. Aka, a moment of slide-induced mommy guilt that lasts forever. G ended up fine, but I haven't been able to look at a slide the same way since. I haven't even been able to even encourage G to go down a slide on his own, even though I know that's much safer than me going down with him.

But I've been trying to take a step back and not hover so much. I know my hovering is anxiety-based. I know it's because of the miscarriage and I don't want that to have any lasting effect on my behavior toward G. I feel like I'm only allowed so much freak out about it before it all gets ridiculous. I mean, do I really need to bring up my middle-of-the-night breakdown the week after my D&C when I thought G had stopped breathing? Yeah, let's not let that embarrassment happen again.

So I put on my big girl pants and decided to give G a bit of a nudge to go down what looked like a large, wide, and fairly calm slide at a park in my Alabaman hometown.

I can tell you, and I'm not proud of it, that I broke out into a sweat. What if he pitched forward and slammed his face onto the slide? What if he broke his neck? What if he broke a leg because his foot got stuck? What if he freaked out halfway down? Oh yeah, my anxiety was at a high.

But you know, the babe got it. He knew what he was doing. He sat down, pushed himself off the edge, and slid and scooted his way down that slide.

I was so proud of my toddler-babe. He had pretty much ignored slides until that moment, but with this slide, he was all about it. After he went down once, he was in love. I think he probably went down twenty more times before we called it a day. It was 85 degrees and muggy in deep South Alabama, and G's cheeks were bright red from the heat.

I know I need to back off more when it comes to G on playgrounds. I'm still his spotter, there to catch him if he falls and prevent any major spills. But I want him to gain confidence in his own skills, and for him to do that, I gotta hang up my mama hat sometimes.

And keep my anxiety to myself.
Related Posts Plugin for WordPress, Blogger...