15 months! holy moly

Dear Grayson,

You are 15 months old today! The further you get from one year, the more of a toddler you become. You've learned so many new skills in the past three months. You went from walking a little to just about running all over the place. You can get up from one knee just like an adult. Yesterday, you learned how to walk backwards, so you were doing that a lot today. It's hilarious to watch. You can go up the first couple of stairs by yourself by holding onto the railing, and you love to try to feed yourself with a spoon or fork loaded with food.

You're still a bit behind in your language, but you understand a lot. You say "moo" when I ask you what cows say, and you'll pat your stomach when we ask you where your tummy is. You know what stairs and books are. Today, you looked for your monkey pillow, Bafufo, and brought him to me when I asked. You'll press your face against my cheek when I ask for a kiss.

We stopped breastfeeding around two months ago, and you've done just fine. You don't even seem to remember it, which sometimes makes me so sad to think about. But I know it's all in the process of growing up, and it won't be the only thing I'll miss when you're older. You love your milk, so that makes things easier. You love green beans, sweet potatoes, meatballs, quesadillas, grilled cheese, yogurt, and all sorts of other foods. You are definitely kinda picky, but we keep trying stuff to see what you'll eat.

We joined a baby gym, and you've grown a lot in your physical skills. You'll crawl all over the playground equipment. You hated their giant parachute at first, but now you love it. Bubbles fascinate you. I love seeing you interact with the other kids. Sometimes you reach for their faces and you're so gentle with them. I hope you'll always been cuddly and gentle like this.

You cut at least one more tooth since you were 12 months old. You now have 8 teeth, all 4 on top and bottom! Now we're just waiting on the incisors and first molars - yay!

You're now just getting over your first real cold. It's lasted a week, so it's kind of dragging on a bit. I caught it from you too, but your Daddy just got a little of it. Your sleep has been horrible, but you slept from 7:30 - 5:30 last night, so that's great! Speaking of sleep, you started sleeping through the night soon after you turned one, and we've been so happy about that! Now, if you wake, it's usually very quickly for a paci. We're going to get rid of the paci soon after our trip to Miami, but for now we're letting you keep it for naps and nighttime. I'm so happy you finally started sleeping through the night.

I have some pics to post of you later this week, but for now, here are a few phone pics taken of you in the past couple of days.

You love your books! You'll sit for quite a while by yourself and flip through them.

You love these drumsticks. You'll bang on anything we let you.

Love these piggy toes!

This baby laptop sometimes distracts you from trying to get to ours.

Another favorite toy. You're learning to bang with the hammer instead of just pushing buttons with a finger.

Mmm, graham cracker.

 

You and Mommy

Love you, snuggabug!

bye bye, breastfeeding

Side nursing newborn G. Such a tiny baby with scrawny, wrinkled legs!

G and I had our last nursing session this morning. I've already boo-hoo'd several times this week about weaning, so I managed to hold it together this time. I'm really sad about it, but I'm beyond ready. We've nursed through sore nips, plugged ducts, and milk blisters the past few months, and my body is just done. It's worn out and ready to get the hormones back to normal.

We've had a few rough days with transitioning G to whole cow's milk, but his digestive system seems to be handling it just fine. He fought drinking milk out of his straw sippies, so we bought a couple of regular sippies and found one he liked. The milk doesn't come out too fast for him with this one, so he can gulp how he likes and not drown. Plus, it has a pirate on it!

He hardly ever fights the sippy now, which is awesome. He doesn't like drinking much in his highchair, but if you sit him on his lap, leaning back against you, he'll drink a good bit more. So we cuddle after each meal, and I don't feel like we're missing too much of the closeness we had breastfeeding.

Am I sad? Sure, I'm very sad the nursing is over. But I feel so accomplished. We nursed for 12 months and 3 weeks when I never thought I'd really nurse past 6 months. I'm so so happy that I could give G the best nutritional start possible, and I'm thankful that, overall, we really didn't have any major issues.

I've never though it weird to nurse G beyond the early months. Really, if I hadn't had these recent body troubles and the need to get my hormones back in order, I would have kept nursing longer, at least a few more months.

This morning, we nursed for the last time. He played with my hair and nursing top. He's been too big for the boppy pillow, so he's mostly just nursed while sitting in my lap, resting his head on my arm. I picked up one of his feet, sniffed his toes, and made a big deal about his stinky his feet were. He loves that. After I did that once, he kept raising his foot for me to do it again or nibble on his toes. I tickled his belly, neck, and ears, and he grabbed my hand to get me to do it again. I thought he was done, so I sat up, but he dove back down again to nurse some more.

It'll be a bit harder to get him to go to sleep now, but we actually didn't have any problems getting him to go to bed last night. He even fell asleep in his crib with just my hand rubbing his back. Naps are more difficult, but so far so good. I'm actually kind of excited that this phase is over - another sign that my baby is growing up!

oh sweet heaven, sleep, I missed you

This post is going to be long and rambly - sorry! I've got some pictures to post, so I'll try to do that soon.
 
For the past month, at least, G has been waking for hours in the middle of the night. Pretty much like clockwork, here comes 2 am and G wailing in his crib. As long as we were in the room with him, he stayed pretty quiet, just awake. He would lay in his crib and just stare up at us. But he would do that for hours. As soon as we tried to leave the room, he would completely melt down. Nothing seemed to work to put him back to sleep - nursing, rocking, and we even tried a little cry-it-out but couldn't take his sobbing.

I had planned on starting to wean after his one year doctor's appointment (which was Monday), but we decided to night wean him first. During these long wake ups, I would try to nurse him back to sleep, but it usually didn't work until he had been up for a couple of hours already. Sometimes I was feeding him twice a night. So we started only feeding once a night, not nursing him if he woke up before 4 am or so. Soon he stopped waking up at that 2 am wake-up, but he was still up for at least an hour and a half.

So we decided to drop all nighttime feedings. No matter what, we would not feed him. We also decided to not pick him up from his crib, no matter how hard he was crying. We wouldn't leave him, but we wouldn't do more than rub his back or head.

Night-weaning actually went really well. He never seemed to miss nursing, and he never cried for more than a few minutes when he first woke up. However, he was still staying awake for hours every night.

At his one year check up on Monday, we discovered that he hadn't gained any weight since his 9 month appointment. In fact, he had lost about 9 ounces. This was really surprising for us since he was obviously growing - he had grown almost 2 inches. He was meeting his milestones, especially his motor skills; he had even started walking 3 steps or so on his own. The pediatrician urged us to up his fat intake and introduce cow's milk, even though we were concerned about his allergy.

I don't really want to get into this much, but I will say that I was upset at the implication that I had to wean in order for G to gain some weight. We still think G's lack of weight gain is because he went from little physical activity at 9 months to sitting up on his own, crawling, standing, and walking. Now, he's rarely sitting still. The pedi wants G to be on mostly cow's milk by Monday, but weaning that quickly proved to be painful for both me and G. So we decided to wean a bit slower. Now I'm only nursing him four times a day: first thing in the morning, for his morning nap, for his afternoon nap, and right before bed.

G has protested a few times during the day when he wants to nurse, and there have been some tears involved in trying to get him to take milk from a sippy. He's absolutely refused to drink more than a few sips of milk from his straw sippy that he loved so much, so some new regularly sippies seem to have done the trick. The whole weaning thing really breaks my heart, especially when he buries his face in my chest, tugs at my shirt, and cries wanting to nurse. But we'll hold onto the nursing to sleep for a bit longer. I'm honestly not even sure how to get him to fall asleep at these times on his own!

Anyway, the point of this post was to say that G is now mostly sleeping through the night, from 7:30-5:30! It's been about five days now that he hasn't done more than wake up for a quick paci replace. It's amazing, really. We're not thrilled with the early morning, but he's getting about 10 hours at night, so what's to complain about, right?

Here are our nighttime rules that seem to be working:
1. No feeding.
2. No picking up.
3. No talking.
4. Stay in the room with him, but he tries to talk to you or play, leave the room for at least five minutes.

We've been also pushing food and milk as much as possible during the day. I swear the boy is eating almost every hour, and sometimes he gets cranky about it. So I'm not sure if it's our nighttime rules or the extra calories, or both, but I know I'm really enjoying the sleep!

So I see some hope out there that our restless babe might actually sleep through the night on a regular basis. And without us having to resort to Ferber, even!

happy 10 months, g!

We are now in the double digits!

Grayson, you have changed so much this month and had unbelievable amounts of growth. I'm really kind of in awe of how quickly you've picked some things up. Most of it actually happened in just the last week.

In the last week alone, you've...

... cut your first tooth on the bottom left.

... almost figured out how to crawl, so you've been really getting around by scooting, rolling, and pushing yourself back up.

... randomly sat up on your own, so now you sit up from your stomach, side, back, any which way.

... pulled up to stand on your play table.

...ate your first finger food (organic banana puffs) without gagging and then started to put them in your mouth on your own.

... cruised around your crib by hanging onto the railing.

... grew a ton, especially your head since your sun hat fits snugger than it was two weeks ago.

Wow, right? Of course, this meant that your sleep has been horrible. Your little brain has been working overtime, and it took five days or so for that tooth to cut through your gum. It's no wonder you woke up so often. We'll probably have to do a bit of sleep training later on, but we're hoping you'll just work out your issues on your own. You've certainly done so in the past.

We're still breastfeeding! I made the decision to keep on until you turn a year so we can avoid formula. It'll also give your tummy time to become more dairy-friendly; maybe we'll be able to switch you to cow's milk then. I've been having something dairy twice a week, and you seem to be handling it well. You're definitely getting over your allergy - we just need to be patient! I'm really enjoying the bits of dairy, though my system isn't used to it anymore. Ugh. Oh, and you're testing the waters with a bit of biting. You haven't bitten hard enough to do any damage, but you're certainly seeing what you can get away with. I'm trying to let you know it's not appreciated, so here's hoping you get the hint soon.

Oh my gosh, g-baby. I can't wait to experience month 10 with you. You're so much fun to spend time with. It's easy to get you to smile, and it's become much easier to get you to laugh too. You love playing peekaboo with a blanket; you'll even pull it over your face and push it down quickly by yourself. You respond with a big smile and giggles to tickling; when I tickle your feet, you laugh and hold them out for me to tickle again.

It's just amazing how much more you can do this month. You love to shake things to see if they make any noise. You'll bang them against the floor or bang two toys together. You'll drop something and then look to see where it went. It's hilarious when you lean really far to the side to try to see around something; I love it when you do that looking for me.

I could go on and on. This month has just been amazing. You, G, are amazing. And seriously the cutest kid ever. We took a lot of pictures today, so I'll get those posted tomorrow and prove it!

g's 8-month professional pics

A week ago we met up with Chris and Adrienne Scott, our FAV photographers. They're fantastic peeps, and we always have a blast with them. They've now done our engagement, wedding, maternity, newborn, 4 month, and 8 month photos.

I think they're kinda stalking us.

Unlike our 4-month photo session which involved a bit of a meltdown (G was kinda terrified of the loud noises the leaves made), this session went as smooth as butter. And just as tasty. God, I miss dairy.

Anyway, Grayson's so comfortable around Chris and Adrienne that we got tons of gorgeous shots of him. I seriously don't know how we'll pick which ones we want to put up on the wall, but I know we'll be choosing a whole bunch of them. I tried to narrow it down to some of my favorite to share, but still this post is definitely photo heavy.

The obligatory baby-in-the-chair photo shoot. We've done a specific shot (not this one) of G in his rocking chair since he was a newborn. Once we get one at his year photo session, I'll post the whole spread. Really excited about that going on the wall. Totally cuteness.

I had Adrienne take a few of me breastfeeding. G was really distracted by all the hub-bub, so I'm afraid she probably got an eye-full of nip. Whoops! But I'm looking to end it in less than two months, so I'm trying to take as many shots as possible to remember those moments by.

He does this thing where he sucks in his bottom lip. This face just slays me. I melt.

The hubs will hold G upside down, and G will look around and study what things look like from the different angle. Too funny. It doesn't bother him at all.

There was this gorgeous blue bench. G kept grabbing onto it behind him, which made for some baby modeling.

 Big line of drool headed for Dave's head! haha, the cost of having a teething baby on your shoulders.

He could get away with a lot with that smile.

If you're in the Nashville area (and even if you're not - they love to travel!), check out Chris and Adrienne for almost any kind of photo session you're needing. We super <3 them!

10 random things I know today

1.
I'm likely going to quit breastfeeding at 10 months. It makes me sad, but I'm beyond ready to have my boobs and body back to myself. I plan on doing it gradually, and once it's all over, I'll pat myself on the back that I made it 4 months longer than planned. Go team boob!

2.
Friends Hammer and Tammy gave G a late Christmas present. This was his reaction upon receiving it:

Okay, so he actually loved the present. He was rather overwhelmed with all the toy goodness. So sweet of H&T!

3.
It's snowed again today. I'm so not amused. On the plus side, it's supposed to be sunny and in the 50s all next week. I think I'll take G for some kind of outside adventure each day. That kid really thrives on being out and about now that he's older.

4.
Crystal of Domestic, But Not Martha was sweet enough to linky me in her Pay it Forward campaign. A big WELCOME if you're a new around these parts. You can follow me to the right if you're so inclined and/or hit me up on Twitter!

5. 
I'm thinking about going back to school to get my certification to teach elementary. OMG.


6.
Speaking of the big G, this teething business is dragging on way too long. He's been "teething" for three weeks now with no toothie to be found. We swear he's got one just below the surface on the bottom, but it's hanging out there, in no hurry. Since he's 8 months old with no teeth, we're a bit impatient at this point.

7.
Though I'm so obvious about it, I love peeking in on the hubs reading to G before bed. The moment kills me with cute.

8.
G and I went shopping at the mall yesterday all by ourselves. It was a momentous occasion with very little fussiness on his part. There was lots of fussing on my part as I didn't find the shirt I was wanting, but there you go. I did keep him out a little too long, so he was overtired by the time we got home. He did not want to nap after that. The day ended in tears (both his and mine) but at least I got out with him? Right? I feel more confident that G and I can enjoy a day together out and about like that, especially once the weather warms up.

9.
Here's a pic of G and Hillary Scott of Lady Antebellum. Yeah, she was over at my father-in-law's doing some music writing business. (I love how casual I sound there even though I had to try very hard not to be giddy around a celebrity.) She was sweet and totally in love with G. I didn't have my Lightscoop with me and the lighting was horrible, but at least I got a pic! And she said I could post it! Woo.

10.
Okay, last one... I have the grossest story ever. It involves poop. You've been warned. Two days ago, G was sitting in my lap as we read a book. He started to make his poop noise - you know the one - so I waited for him to finish. And waited. And waited. It took forever but he was finally done. So I carried him upstairs and pulled off his pants, folded them and put them down. Then I went to take off his diaper and realized there was poop all over his legs and ankles and feet. There was poop everywhere. To make matters worse, he was in a great mood and flailing his legs all over the place, flinging poop on the wall and the changing table and the changing pad. And me. I tried to wipe him but only succeeded in smearing it around and getting it on the wipes case as well. You know how hard it is to open two doors and a shower curtain, all while carrying a poop-covered baby away from you so you don't get more poop on yourself? Yeah it's hard, and I wasn't that successful. G handled the whole situation really well. Especially when I had to put him in the bathtub with his onesie and diaper still on, without him being in his baby bathtub. I had to hose him down, but you know, this semi-solid poop doesn't just rinse off. Plus, oh the horror, that's when I remembered that our tub needed to be draino'd, so none of the poop was going down the drain. My poop baby was sitting in an inch of poop water. So once he was mostly rinsed off, I put him in our bathroom sink, which he was way too small for, and soaped him up there. Again, he handled it fantastically. Then I realized I'd forgotten a towel, so I had to carry him dripping wet into his room again to towel and diaper him on the floor. It was awful. Soooo awful.

And there you have it. I leave you tonight with the poop to end all poops.

my boobs of love and not-so love

This will be long.

So I've been sorta kinda considering quitting breastfeeding before G is a year old. I was thinking April when G is about ten months old, and we'll have enough milk saved up to continue for another couple of weeks. I won't quit before then, so I have a lot of time to decide either way. I keep going over and over in my head my list of reasons for continuing or stopping.

Here are my pros and cons for continuing to breastfeed past April.

Reasons I Want to Quit
Cheese. Glorious cheese. I got my first taste of it (in the form of chicken parmesan) in months last Saturday, and I savored every minute. G, while much better in his allergy, is not savoring the aftereffects, though his reaction has been way less severe than before. Meal planning is just so difficult without milk or cheese type products. I can't even use a lot of soup. I do feel as though I eat the same things week after week. After over five months without dairy, I'm just ready. It's clear that it will still be a while before I can eat cheese regularly, maybe well beyond G's first year, if I continue to bf.

My boobs hurt. They just do. I have to be careful about smooshing them with my arms. I can't hug G tightly because they'll ache. Hell, I can barely hold him in the morning without crying out in pain when they're full of milk. Right now I'm stuck at work and it's been three hours since he ate off me, and I just hurt.

My boobs are huge. I'm hoping they'll shrink at least a little after I wean so I can fit into some regular clothes again. I'm going to need a swimsuit this summer, so I'd like to wean in time for them to go down before I buy them. Maybe I'm asking too much in that regard, but a girl can hope, right? As a girl who used to be a B, I really hate my size DD/E boobs.

Pumping. Sucks. I have to pump whenever I'm away from G, which is three days a week, sometimes more. I don't get out much, so usually I have to pump twice to make a bottle. It's rather painful, and my nips will be sore for a while afterward. I did quit pumping in the middle of the night, which is heavenly.

I seem to have plateaued in my weight loss. I still have 5ish pounds to go and a lot of toning. I'd like to work out again in some capacity, but I'm paranoid about lactic acid making my milk raunchy. I need to lose this baby pooch!

G kinda is starting to ask for it. I mean, it's heart-warming and awfully cute, but I also worry that it means it'll be more difficult to wean him the longer I wait. I think it'd break my heart to have to tell him no if he's standing there tugging on my shirt and crying. This is also filed under "reasons to continue" below.

I'm tired of wearing nursing bras and nursing tanks 24/7. I'm a girl who used to sleep in only underwear or maybe some pj pants if I haven't shaved or it's cold. Wearing a shirt was a huge adjustment for me. Having to wear a bra to sleep starting when I was pregnant was even worse so. But having big boobs flopping around when they're all achy is not a good thing at all. 7.5 months into breastfeeding and they still leak. I want to be able to come home, take off my bra, and just let it all hang out. Is that too much to ask?

Sigh. This all sounds rather whiny, doesn't it?

Reasons I Might Continue
G loves the boob. Seriously, he looooves it. I'm actually afraid of the emotional damage I'll cause when I refuse to give up the boob. I think he finally figured out where I keep the boobs because he tries to get at them at random times. Like when I'm holding him, he'll duck his head down. Or if he's standing in front of me, he'll bend over and grab at my shirt. He's gotten better at turning side to side, so he'll twist sideways in my lap, grab onto my tank top, and mouth my chest. It's a weird new thing, kinda heartbreaking because I usually say no - no, dude, you just ate! I think he'd nurse off and on all day if I let him. Kinda sweet, too. But then, do I want to continue into toddlerdom with all the grabbiness? My boobs, kiddo.

G takes his naps on my lap. He falls asleep while nursing and often naps for hours this way. My baby needs a lot of sleep, and nursing to sleep is by far the easiest way to ensure that he gets it. He nurses to sleep at the beginning of the night, too, and often in the early morning when he has trouble getting back to sleep. I really don't look forward to not having that crutch anymore. I love being able to pop a boob in his mouth and off to sleep he goes. Plus, he sleeps on me, which I lovelovelove. I will miss his snuffles, his warmth, the way his shoves his free hand down my cleavage and leaves it there.

He wouldn't have to drink formula. If I wean before a year, I guess we'd have to switch to formula for a while. I doubt he'll be over his milk allergy enough to drink milk at a year old, and I'm not sure what options we'll have in that regard. We'd have to find out what fake milks are best for a one year old, or maybe give him toddler formula. I'm sure his pedi could help out. Formula kinda grosses me out (sorry, but it does). I'd prefer that he never had to drink it.

It's easy. He's hungry, so I pull him onto my lap and unclasp my tank top. That's it. When he's done, he pulls off or takes a nap. La di da.

All the usual breast is best arguments can go here. It protects against colds (G's never actually had one beyond one day of a slightly runny nose), it's the perfect food for him, it's healthy for me, blah blah. None of that changes, so we'll just add it to this list. I'd love to continue to provide for G that way. And myself, as well. He's starting to eat solids like a champ (though he still gags on anything that contains even tiny chunks), so I'm not worried about him refusing solids for boob.

And of course, there's this.

I know when I wean, I'll miss these quiet moments of breastfeeding. He often reaches up to touch my lips, chin, cheeks, neck. He loves when I kiss his fingers. He grabs a fistful of my shirt and pulls himself against me.

Maybe I won't be ready to give that up just yet...

going dairy-free

When G was about six weeks old, he was diagnosed with a milk protein allergy. Keep in mind that this is way different from a lactose allergy, which is extremely rare in babies. Milk protein allergies mean he's allergic to the proteins of the dairy I eat that then get into my breastmilk.

He had a good number of the usual symptoms of a milk protein allergy.

• fussiness
• lots of spitting up
• green and/or mucous and/or blood in stool
• not sleeping well
• lots of boogies

The pedi did a test on his poop (gross, I know) that revealed he did indeed have blood in it. It's so heartbreaking to think about, but at least we were grateful to find out what was wrong. After I cut dairy for a couple of weeks, I tried reintroducing it again. Back came his problems almost immediately, so we were then sure of the allergy.

Of course, this meant I had to go dairy free and I loooove dairy. I love ice cream and pizza and cheeseburgers. And chocolate. And cookies. And lasagna. I could go on and on. I wasn't too amused by the idea that I had to go without, but the alternative was putting him on a highly expensive formula and giving up breastfeeding. No way, said I.

(Plus, I think G would freak if he didn't get boob.)

All in all, cutting out dairy cold turkey has been difficult. I have to read the labels of everything in the grocery store. There are the obvious products that have diary, and then there are the not so obvious, like deli meats. Seriously.

I figured I'd use the blog as a platform for helping out other mamas who have discovered they must go dairy-free for their little cuddlebugs. The hardest part is just figuring out what to eat! I'll post my foods of choice, as well as some of my favorite recipes.

I know it's only temporary. And as soon as I wean, I'm gaining like 10 pounds off Five Guys double cheeseburgers with mushrooms and Cajun fries alone.

wherefore art thou, paci love?

 Youuu, mama, shall suffer my wrath if you try to shove that in my mouth.

We discovered Grayson's love of the paci when he was two weeks old. We told our pedi at his regular doc appointment of our struggles with our fussy son. Nothing will placate him, we wailed. All he wants is boob! Our pedi (who is awesome) calmly put her hand into a glove and gave G her finger to suck on. He instantly calmed. It was amazing - the heavens opened up and angels sung; that's how amazing it was. She assured us that since he had such a strong suck - "whoa" was kind of her first response - we shouldn't worry about nipple confusion.

We got him a paci that day and didn't look back. Finally, our little baby seemed much happier. And my nips were happier too. We could rock him for naps, just pop that paci in and he'd fall asleep on our chests. This all worked fantastically until he was about three and a half months old, when he just up and decided one day that he was DONE.

I mean, absolutely DONE. He spit out that paci and has refused it ever since. For the last three weeks.

Oh, and about that same time he rediscovered his love of the boob. I mean, he'd loved it before. He's the kind of baby who, once I lay him down on the Boppy, grabs my shirt and yanks himself into my boob before I can even get my shirt down. But now the boob is about all that will calm him down sometimes.

At first we thought that he was having a growth spurt and just wanted to nurse more often. But then a week turned into two weeks turned into three... a three week growth spurt? This seems unlikely. Then we thought it might be teething, but the pedi said there weren't any signs on his gums, so that's a no-go. I really think he's just realized the boob is way better than a cold, rubbery pacifier, and he knows that he can get it eventually. Of course, this has caused all sorts of problems, namely it makes it difficult for the hubby to get him to nap. It also means that when G wakes up early from a nap, he immediately starts rooting for a nipple to get back to sleep. I think eventually we might have to do a bit of sleep training just 1) other people can get him to nap, and 2) my nips don't get so sore from constantly placating a babe. Plus, he already has spit-up problems and the extra feeding isn't helping.

I decided yesterday to pull out the three kinds of pacifiers we own to see if he'd accept any. Pretty much, he haaates them. He spits them out like crazy and makes the most awful of faces. They even make him gag. I have no idea what's up with that.

First, we tried the nuk. Haha, mama, you're funny if you think I'm gonna keep that in my mouth.

What is THAT? That tastes yucky! Why are you holding in my mouth even though I'm trying to push it out with my tongue? Take it out take it out.

  
Gaaag. That was gross!

So then we tried this platex paci, which he used to sometimes enjoy. That wasn't any better.

  
I don't like this any better, mum. P-tew!

Wait, what are you getting now? Not the dreaded soothie paci? Not the paci I used to loooove and nommed on all the time? Why do you think I'd want something I use to cherish, woman?

  
Nooo, mama, don't want iiiitt.

  
I'm gonna push it out with my tongue.

  
See? You can't get it past my tongue of awesome strength.

  
Haven't you given up yet? You're not going to win. You know I can hold out as long as it takes to get boob again.

  
Neener neener pumpkin eater. Had a paci and couldn't feed... 'em. I think I win this fight, mama.

  
Now, give me the boob, woman of the boobs! I demand iiiittt. I command you with my eyeballs of doom. DOOM.

these boobs of mine

My mom stayed with us for over a week after we finally were discharged from the hospital. This is the only picture of me breastfeeding that I'd let her take. ha.

I knew way back when we were just thinking about getting pregnant that I wanted to try my hand at breastfeeding. I wasn't sure at all how it would turn out. No one in my family had breastfed since my granny had my mom... really. I knew it'd be difficult, painful, exhausting, but I also knew it'd be rewarding if I could pull it off.

There are so many resources available today on breastfeeding, even just online. I set out to educate myself as much as possible - Dave and I went to a class, I read every piece of literature I came across, and I sneaked onto forums to read first-hand accounts of successes and failures. I was eager to try my hand... or boob. When G was born, I breastfed him as quickly as I could. He was really a champ at it. Don't get me wrong. We had our struggles and still do. Sometimes it would take forever to get him latched on, especially on the tricky and oddly shaped left nipple. My boobs really hurt, both from the strong sucking (he even surprised our pediatrician at how strong he was) and from the rampant engorgement, which I got from pumping every three hours the day he was under the bilirubin lights for jaundice so he'd have a 3am meal while I was at home trying to get 4 hours of sleep. Whew.

A bit jaundiced here, poor baby.

I'm thankful that I haven't had any major problems, all things considered. I produce a bit too much milk sometimes (oh darn) and I have an overactive letdown, which means my milk can spray several feet away. Most of the time, G doesn't mind. My boobs are huuuuge. I try to ignore this and hope they go down after I wean. I mean really, look.

Still jaundiced here. Sigh.

Also, G has a milk protein allergy. I've been dairy-free for a few months now. So difficult considering how much I love milk, cheese, and ice cream.

Anyway, I'm so glad I decided to breastfeed. My goal is to make it at least 6 months, so only 2 to go. But things are going so well, maybe I'll go longer? Who knows.

Really, the best part about breastfeeding is the milk-induced cuddle nap afterward. I get a vantage point that is difficult to duplicate.

Maybe I'll continue on until a year.I'm not sure if I want to give up these moments just yet. Last night, he didn't fall asleep while eating as quickly as he normally did. Instead, he kept craning his neck back to look up at me, letting his latch go to smile. So terribly heart-wrenching. Makes me all goo inside.

things that thrill

I have an awesome baby (who is sleeping in his bouncy right now). He never ceases to amaze me with his own quirks and moods. Every little thing he does fascinates me. There hasn't been a baby in the family since my last first cousin was born, and I think she's 13 or something. So there has been a severe lack of babies in the family for a long time. I think I babysat my cousin once.

I was woefully inexperienced in the matter of pregnancy and babies.

When G was born, the first thing I said was, "He looks like an alien!" Because he did. He was slimy and had dark almond-shaped eyes with no eyelashes (now he still has dark almond-shaped eyes but with eyelashes that are black, thich, and a half inch long). He looked at me all squinty like and gave the pout that today he still gives. Then he cried and I tired to hold him, which got me all slimy too.

Luckily, I'd read up enough that I kinda knew what to do for breastfeeding and such. I never the basics of baby-rearing. But I hadn't held a baby in oh-so long for more than a few minutes, and I certainly hadn't been around one for 24/7. Alone. (The alone came later, of course, once my mom left and Dave went back to work.)

G's personality has been evident from the beginning. I love to talk about his little personality quirks because they show me that my little baby was his own self right from the start. And that's just awesome.

What He Loves
1. To have you notice him. He'd much rather stare at a face than a toy. And if you return his eye contact, his face lights up, he opens up a giant grin, his arms and legs start to flail, and he'll literally squeal at you with happiness. You noticed me!

2. The boob. He's loved to stay on the boob for long periods of time and he'd probably stay on longer if that pesky milk didn't keep coming out. He's a champion eater. Introducing a paci was pretty much prescribed by our pediatrician to give me a break when he was 2 weeks old. He took to a bottle with ease as well.

3. To stand. We've been letting him stand with assistance since his two-month appointment when the pedi showed us that he could. He loves this more than anything. His face simply glows. Really.

4. To sleep on his stomach, kinda sideways, with his head thrown back across our arm. It looks so uncomfortable but this is how he maneuvers himself for naptime when he sleeps on us. But he'll take long naps this way, so who knows.

5. To chat. When he turned 6 weeks to the day, my babycake woke up, gave me a biiig smile, and started to coo at me on the changing table. He hasn't shut up since. We had a really long conversation today about my lunch.

6. The TV. We have to be careful if it's on while he's in the room because he will stay glued to it if he's turned toward the monster. It doesn't matter what you're watching either. He loves it.

What He Hates
1. Diaper. must. be. changed. He hates having his diaper wet or dirty. He's getting better about this as he gets
older, but for a while we were going through at least 25 diapers a day. As soon as he would pee, he'd scream. Nowadays, he's okay with the pee but not with the poop. I feel awesome if I only change one diaper an hour.

2. To be left alone for too long. He's getting better about this, but I'm much more likely to get to finish eating lunch if I sit next to him while he's on his play mat. He loves to watch me eat.

3. Being strapped into the car seat. But he falls asleep almost every time in less than a minute. Hahaha.

4. Having his clothes changed. Something about the shirt going over his head freaks him out. He can go from a good mood to howling in a matter of seconds. If he's in a really good mood, he might just pout about it. Poor baby.

5. Taking a nap sometimes. Other times he'll settle and go right to sleep in a few minutes. But sometimes he fights it with all he's got, even if it's been four hours since he slept. He did that just now, but the bouncy seat won.

6. Tummy time. It pissed him off so much when he tries to roll and can't. And if he has a bit of a wet diaper, forget about it. No way is he going to lay on top of a soggy diape. He'll raise up his head and give you the unhappiest face ever.

I could go on and on, but maybe I should be a little productive while he's actually passed out on something other than me.

He is so amused by me, yes?