escapism, part 2

I'm picking back up with my Escapism series, as I talk about the various ways I fill up my time to try to avoid dwelling on our loss (over seven weeks, ooh my god). My husband has been bugging me about this, so here you go. You can read the first part of my Escapism series here.

My name is Alicia, and I have a boyfriend. And no, I'm not talking about my husband (sorry, honey).

He's kinda my flavor of the week, except that week has turned into a few weeks and now I'm heading into that "a few months" category of crazy. I'm afraid I'm stalking him, too. Yeah, that kinda crazy.

It all started when I caught a glimpse of him on TV in a new show, all CGI'd and spiffed up. The hubs wanted to record more episodes, and at first I ignored it, but then he kept turning it on when I was around. And really, it was all rather pretty.

Optimus Prime in the new Transformers: Prime show. Hubba hubba.

And it hit that little girl part of me that thinks fondly of what I loved as a kid. I have a brother, you know, and we often mixed our girl and boy toys. One of my favorites was an Optimus Prime figurine that could turn into a truck. It blew my little girl mind. I loved it. Of course, I still loved my Barbies and my My Little Ponies, but this, this was a man who turned into a truck. 

Optimus Prime is the ultimate good-man. He's a leader to a fault, putting everyone else before himself even though he's so important to protect himself. He thinks before acting... usually. He's a hero you can actually look up to and admire because he's always seeking to do the right thing. One of his biggest faults is probably the fact that he's too good and doesn't take as tough of a stance on the bad guys as he ought to (the endless fighting of Megatron, anyone?). That, and his supreme lack of a sense of humor. A big stiff-upper-lip, that one.

Optimus Prime a la the Bay movies

I don't remember a whole lot about the old Transformers G1 episodes, but the knowledge and love of Transformers has always been there in the back of my head. The live action movies rekindled that love, and the new CGI TV show has solidified Transformers as one of my favorite franchises of all time. Really, if you're at all interested in Transformers and enjoyed the old cartoon or the live-action movies, give Transformers: Prime a try. The writing alone is fantastic, not to mention the art.

And the humor:

Star - why does it all go WRONG? - scream

And the cute:

Well, I'd show the cute, if I could find a decent screen-cap of Bumblebee.

Anyway, I'm a bubbling mess at this point. The point is, I owe Transformers a lot. It gave me something on which to focus that wasn't related to my baby's death or the way my body changed afterward. Instead of haunting my ovulation chart like a boss, I was reading bits of the long and detailed history of Transformers and watching various incarnations. In the quiet moments of the night, I had something to entertain me and draw me away from my grief.

Thanks, Optimus. I owe you one.

escapism, part 1

There are moments like these. I'm researching a necklace or tattoo or picture frame - something to remember baby by. And then BAM, I stop, put down my glasses, and start crying.

Or a song comes on the radio. Too many songs are about bleeding hearts after a relationship ends, but for me, they all translate to the loss of baby.

Or pieces of a poem flash on the computer screen. i carry your heart (i carry it in my heart)
Yup, that one hurts most of all.

Or I'm running in the park and I pass a tiny baby sleeping in a stroller.

Gah.

Most moments aren't like that. Nowadays, I don't often let me myself stop and think about what happened. I've found the most excellent coping skill, at least for me, is escapism. Oh yes. Others might throw themselves into work or school or whatever. Nope, not me. I throw myself into the world of geekdom.

I haven't talked about this much on here because I tend to define myself as "mommy" first, but I'm a bit of a closet geek. Oh, who am I kidding? I'm a huge closet geek. Anime, video games, scifi, fantasy - oh yeah, I'm into that.

In college, I had anime posters plastered above my desk and bed. My obsession with anime is really an infection; if you get to know me too closely, or hang out with me too much, you'll probably get sucked into the madness. My husband certainly wasn't immune. I think I dragged him off on our third or fourth date to buy up the old Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles movies, and we were probably watching anime soon after that.

Oh-em-gee, that date was sexy, right?

We're currently - or at least, we were until Transformers took over - watching equal parts Dragon Ball Z (oh, shut it!) and Death Note. Oh boy oh boy. Me and DBZ, we go way back. To my high school days, even, when my brother would watch Sailor Moon with me if I agreed to watch Dragon Ball Z afterward. Of course, it only took a few episodes of sweaty men grunting and yelling as they powered up their bulging biceps, and I was hooked.

Why, hello, lover!

Death Note is a sleeker, prettier anime when compared to the older and testosterone-driven DBZ. But it's rather heavy in material and contains little of the humor that DBZ does. The main character, Light, gets a hold of a notebook that allows him to kill anyone whose name he writes in it. With mass murdering teenagers, a young sweet-toothed detective, and Shinigami who started the whole mess because they were bored, Death Note has something for everyone! Just watch this one after the kiddies go to bed.

cute but psychotic. sorry, ladies

It's easy to lose yourself in anime, which is known for its engaging plot and complex characters. Not to mention the pretty of Japanese animation. Let me know what interests you, I could probably recommend an anime that would suit your tastes.

For those brief moments I'm engaged with something like this, I'm not focused on the thoughts that swirl in my head. And that is a precious gift right now!

On part 2 of my ramble, I'll introduce the other animated series that is keeping me preoccupied. Let's just say for now, Autobots, it's time to roll out.

Oh yeah, I totally went there.

I'm a geek. I did warn you.